The Good Intentions Podcast
Good Intentions connects with experts and storytellers around social impact, psychology, mindfulness, personal growth, and health.
Each conversation unpacks the beliefs and rituals that drive and ground each guest. You will hear about achievements that go beyond the conventional and tangible to a deeper level, finding the meaning and intention behind what we do.
I believe that there is a deep longing in our culture and society for something more: something higher, something deeper. Material possessions and technology do not satisfy our souls. As human beings we long for connection.
I'm on a mission to spread positivity, drive connectivity and to inspire others to live a more meaningful life.
The Good Intentions Podcast
Ep 24 - Mind Hacking Toxic Patterns and Healing Trauma - Hiba Balfaqih
I just love it when my incredible guests recommend other incredible guests to be on the show, and that is exactly what happened with this episode.
Earlier this year I interviewed the wonderful Shereen Al Qutob - who is a corporate alchemist, no less.
She led me to Hiba Balfaqih who has an equally brilliant job title - she’s a Mind Hacker. As one of the world’s top mindset therapists, healers and psychologists, she helps liberate people from deeply held blocks, negative beliefs, and trauma to live their most fulfilled life.
A trained psychologist who combines traditional practices with those of energy and healing, Hiba quit her corporate job to choose this new life path - as you might imagine she’s full of guts and chutzpah and she had me hooked from the first word.
We spoke about how the first 7 years of our lives are crucial in setting the shape of the rest of our lives and how we can unpick that programming, how to stay connected to what’s important to us, and how to stay fulfilled if you work in the corporate world.
A self confessed growth addict, Hiba believes that if you’re not growing, you’re dying, and her energy and wisdom is so uplifting.
She believes that we create our reality, and after our conversation, I felt inspired to do go off and do the same. I hope you do too.
Follow me, and the Good Intentions podcast:
https://www.instagram.com/kellyharvarde/
Find Hiba Balfaqih here:
https://www.instagram.com/hibabalfaqih/
https://www.hibabalfaqih.com/
Immerse yourself in some of the books we discussed:
An Extraordinary Mind - Vishen Lakhiani
https://magrudy.com/book/the-code-of-the-extraordinary-mind-10-unconventional-laws-to-redefine-your-life-and-succeed-on-your-own-terms-9781508224532/
Dying to be Me - Anita Moorjani
https://magrudy.com/book/dying-to-be-me-my-journey-from-cancer-to-near-death-to-true-healing-9781848507838/
Will - Will Smith
https://www.amazon.ae/Will-Smith
What Happened to You - Oprah Winfrey
https://www.amazon.ae/What-Happened-You-Conversations-Resilience/
Conversations with God - Neale Donald Walsch
https://www.amazon.com/Conversations-God-Uncommon-Dialogue-Book/dp/0399142789
Welcome to good intentions, the podcast where we explore the world around us to find meaning and intention in what we do. I'm Kelly Harvard, and I'm on a mission to spread positive stories that will inspire you to live a more meaningful and connected life. I just love it when my incredible guests recommend other incredible guests to be on the show. And that is exactly what happened with this episode. Earlier this year, I interviewed the wonderful Shereen Architalx who was a corporate Alchemist NOLA. She led me to hip up I'll you. Who has an equally brilliant job title? She's a mind. Hacker was one of the world's top mindset therapists. He lives in psychologists. She helps liberate people from deeply held blocks, negative beliefs and trauma to live their most fulfilled life, a trained psychologist who combines traditional practices with those of energy and healing, HIPAA quit her corporate job to choose this new life path. As you can imagine, she's full of guts and spa. And she had me hooked from the very first word we spoke about how the first seven years of our lives are crucial in setting the shape of the rest of our lives and how we can unpick that programming. We talked about how to stay connected to what's important to us and how to stay fulfilled. If you work in the corporate world, a self-confessed growth addict, HIPAA believes that if you're not growing, you're dying and her energy and wisdom is so uplifting. She believes that we create our reality. And after our conversation, I felt inspired to go off and do exactly the same. I hope you do too. Thanks so much for joining me today. It's fantastic to have you on the show as a guest.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm happy to be here. I'm excited to have this chat with you today, and I love the name of the podcast, but good intentions. Love it. It's so cool.
Speaker 1:And when it comes to sort of a great titles, I mean, I think you have possibly the most interesting, incredible, fascinating job title I've ever heard, which is mine, TACA. I mean, what is that? What is it? What does it involve
Speaker 2:For me? I came up with the name mine hacker, because that was really what I was doing. I couldn't actually find a name for what I was doing. And one of my friends actually said to me, you're hacking my brain every time I see you. It's like you had my brain. And I'm like, interesting. I like that. Can I steal it? And that's how this whole thing started as the mind hacker. I was just going by, I'm above all the AMA psychologist, but then I wasn't doing traditional psychology. So people were kind of confused and I couldn't find a real name for it. And that's how the story started. One of my friends says you have my mind. And I was like, oh, that's cool. Yeah. Okay. I'm the wine hacker right now. And everything. I actually got built based on that conversation. The school of mine nagging my students right now are called the mind hackers, you know? So everything is based on that. So, yeah.
Speaker 1:Amazing. So when you say mine, Taki, would you say, you know, I'm a psychologist for what I'm doing, isn't traditional psychology. So how is it different? I mean, talk us through why it's different than how it changes for
Speaker 2:It's completely different because psychologist use Western psychology and like the Western way of doing things, which is the traditional way of therapy, which means CBT using a curl Tagliani as a segment for it, all these kind of fathers of psychology, these methodologies. I use some of that, but I use a lot of Eastern psychology as way, which is energy shock was understanding that you're not just a mind that you're also a body as spiritual. So putting all three things together, you're no longer in that same paradigm of traditional therapy. And a lot of people come with the expectations to just sit with me and let me ask them a few questions and hear them out. And that's completely what I don't do. So if you know, in a traditional therapy session, you would come and speak for maybe if the one hour session for 50 minutes and maybe five minutes, I'll be kind of interjecting with the sessions right now. What we do, you come and you tell me your problem in five minutes. And then we're, co-creating a Cole solving your issue subconsciously for the next 45 minutes. So it's a completely upside down kind of that's where I say, it's nothing like psychology. And I like to always put that caveat out there and kind of be like, it's not what you expect. Come with an open mind. We're going to do some energy work, some breath, work, some meditation, some subconscious, some NLP, some hypnotherapy. It's really a mixture of a lot of things simultaneously to hack you. Every single human being is different. We can't use one tool in order for us to fix that one person. You are not all going to react to the same things. It's like having a shelf and you only have that hammer. Well, the shelf might need a little bit more than just a hammer and he's the measuring equipment. It needs a screwdriver, maybe. So the mind is exactly the same. We have to have multiple tools as professionals in our arsenals and finding which one is the appropriate tool for you. That's why I don't want to put a label on it and say, it's mind hacking, whatever tool is going to come out in the actual session is the tool that's going to be best for you.
Speaker 3:So I'm interested in that as you were talking. So how, how do you decide, which is the best tool for each person? I mean, does it, does it come out in the session?
Speaker 2:I feel like comes now from experience. So I have a kind of a plethora of black on all kinds of what they would call an growth addict. So I'm addicted to learning everything that is out there. And I have a saying that if I can learn one thing from whatever I learned, I've gained. So if I go to a three week worksheet workshop and I learn one thing I've learned appropriately, I got the information I needed. So that was a success. So I've been in this field for about seven years. I'm kind of already now done 13 modalities of different kinds of healings. I'm a background of a psychology or as a psychologist, I've worked with Tony Robbins for a couple of years. So I've kind of done a whole bunch of stuff. And right now I just kind of know this is going to work for person. This is not going to work for this person. And during the session, I'm just bringing out those tools and seeing what best fits for you. A lot of people, for example, don't like being told that you're going to close your eyes. So how can I deal with a person who doesn't want to close their eyes in a session? Some people don't want to be touched in a session. So Reiki would not work on them, or anytime of energy healing does not work on them. So I have to take them on another route. It's my job to find the way to help a person hack whatever's going on with them at that point, whatever your problem is, it's my responsibility to find the tool for you. So this is kind of why I say it's like, you have to kind of be a Jack of all trades when it comes to what you're in, like psychology for me, I have to know everything and I have to use the appropriate tools during that session to give you the best results.
Speaker 3:Okay. And do you ever get any resistance? I mean, and the people I'm sure that people are coming into their research do, but if they will, in thinking they're going to have a very traditional
Speaker 2:Yes, of course I get resistance. And I feel like part of what we do, the job itself, people already have subconscious belief, structures and stereotypes based on what we do. And they have an impression of how it might be just from TV, because in TV, when you've been conditioned, you see a psychiatrist putting you on a couch and having a book and pen and saying, tell me how you feel. We've been conditioned through media, our whole entire life. That that's what it is. That is what healing. So when you sit down and you started telling me your problem, and I'm like, all right, wrap it up, let's start working on it. You're like, well, but I didn't express myself yet. I'm like, yeah, I don't need to know more. We'll discover more in your subconscious later on during the session. But people resist that part. Like, let me finish, but let me, so I've learned to kind of give them the priming, the precondition before they've come. So you'll receive an email that tells you exactly how it's going to go and kind of just let you know, it's not going to be what you are conditioned to believe it is. And I think with that resistance has been less.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I can imagine that would, could be a bit of a shock if you weren't prepared for it, right? Like you say, with contraceptives, I'm going to tell you that story about this and this problem that I've gone. Interesting. You've obviously got this really unique aptitude for coaching and sort of bringing out the best in people and also combining it with your spiritual side and this whole spiritual energy element. I mean, what made you start reading this? What made you sort of feel that this was your calling?
Speaker 2:It was rock bottom that made me, I was depressed. I was super depressed. I was already a psychologist, but I wasn't working in psychology. I studied psychology at school. I did my masters and so forth. And then I moved and started working in HR. And I was like a broken robot doing day in and day out. And I just did not feel fulfilled in my life, but I never took action because, you know, we're so conditioned to be grateful for what we had. And I had an amazing job and I was abundant in anything I wanted at that point in my life. And I just didn't feel alive. I felt dead inside and I still wouldn't take action until it gets a catastrophe happen. I lost my dad. I was investing in a business and I lost 1.5 million. And I got diagnosed with diabetes because of the stress of all that. I was going within three months of my life, three months. So my dad was diagnosed with cancer and then he went through his battle. I was going to this business thing was with a friend and she took all my money and disappeared. And then I just kind of was in this place where I was suddenly at rock bottom and had no idea why I was a rock bottom. And I was actually functionally depressed for six months. And people didn't even realize I was functionally depressed. And this is why I always talk about functional depression is because you're operating like any other human being. And you're constantly in a mode of taking action, but you're dead inside. And people assume all types of depression means I'm going to curl up in a room and cry and be dark. That's not all kinds of depression. That's one kind of depression. So functional depression is you're functioning, but you're dead inside. You're, you're a sad, broken robot. And I went through that depression phase for about six months and I just didn't know how to get out of it. And even though I was a psychologist, I had the tools, I didn't know, practically how to get myself out of it. And then one day I was watching a TV show and the main character had a monologue. I don't know if you've seen the Alivia Pope in scandal. Olivia Pogo scandal kind of had this monologue on TV. And she was kind of saying, you know, are we gladiators? Like, who are we? You know what? She was like, I dunno. I looked at myself and I was like, they touched me. And I was like, what am I doing right now with my life? Right? Look at me how depressed I am. I'm a gladiator. I am not this person who does not know how to get out of it. And I kind of looked myself in the mirror and I took a note and I was like, I will never feel like this ever again. I woke up the next day. I hit the gym at five o'clock in the morning to, uh, went, to, went straight to work, finished work, left work, went straight to the bookstore and just went to the mental health section and went like, so that re single book that was there. And I was like, all right, no more TV, no more. This I'm going to do this. And I just wanted to do it selfishly for myself to get myself better. And I was getting better and better. Every couple of months, I felt like I was changing. I was becoming, I don't want to say like my old self. It was a new self that was being created and I got obsessed. And I finally saw the solution of life that I've always been looking for. I mean, these books and answers, I probably never looked at it. And I wanted to make sure that I took different perspectives. And I think that's what really helped me is I would read books from people. I've never heard the book titles that were awkward or didn't make sense. I just wanted to consume. And that's when I actually fell into the books of Tony Robbins. And I went on a YouTube him and he was like screaming onto the screen. And I was like, this is the man that I was waiting for my whole life. Something about his energy, like woke me up immediately. So I went straight into all his stuff, consumed it all, booked my ticket to go to see him in London when he was doing his thing. And I just fell in love with that aspect of life. And from then I was still in the corporate world. I was paying for all my legal fees for the court case that I was with, with a person who stole the money. So I, I, but I was like going to work and I did not feel like it was fulfilling me anymore, even though it was an awesome job. I was the head of happiness and module for theme. And it was like an amazing job. I was having fun all the time, but I was just like, it was like the sense of this is not for me. And I just took the decision to quit without even knowing what it was that I was going to do. At that point, I thought I was going to be in business and started. I started a few things on the side and then at that point, but I was like, I just, I wasn't a coach yet, but I was like, I'm an entrepreneur. That's what I am. And I thought that was what, that's what I was, but it's what I needed to get out of the corporate world. And that's when I started the smash room and I started another startup. I'm not, I'm going to help startups with their mindset just to help them be positive, like Tony Robbins. And I just kind of got deeper and deeper into that. The minute I was out of the corporate world, it was like the universe, everything into the right place and was like, this is what you're going to do. And that's when I, I spent the next like couple of years just consuming information and going to courses and getting accredited, left and right with everything, still refusing and resisting that this was my path. It was just like, oh, this is something I'm going to do, you know, for me, cause I'm a growth junkie, like blah, blah, blah. And then every time I sat in a room, this was like the last six months before I started what I wouldn't doing today. Every time I got into a row, somebody would be like, how do I book a session with you? How do I book a session with you? And I was like, huh, interesting. And then one of my coaches kind of sat me down and said to me, girl, if you don't decide on doing this today, like I'm not going to coach you anymore. And I'm like, but what is it that I'm going to do these? Like, it will come. I felt like back then I needed something to add value. I didn't know what it was. And I found that very quickly because the minute I started, I didn't realize like I thought I had to be, and then there'll be practitioner or a theta healer or a psychologist. I had to be one of those things. And when I broke that barrier that I didn't have to have a label and I didn't have to have anything. And I can just go into a session and be my best self. I then was able to come up with my own methodology and modality. And when I did, I was like, oh my God, I found it. This is what I have to do. But there was resistance in that. And now I've been on this path for six, seven years right now. And I can't look at life any other way. You can tell me there's else for you out there. I'm like, it will be secondary to this.
Speaker 3:Amazing. It's incredible to hear you speak. I mean, I can tell as you're speaking, you know, you're, it's clearly it's viewed it's who you are, which yeah, it's kind of popping up.
Speaker 2:I am born to do this. I a hundred percent now know that I'm born to do this. One of the funny facts is when I was a kid, I used to get in trouble for a few things. One of the main things that I used to do to get in trouble with is talk. And if you come to my sessions and I was really good mom with my words and how to spin something around and that's what I do on a day-to-day basis today, I spin the story inside. People's head to change it to something more positive. And when I look back and laugh, I'm like, if you actually look at kids today, they actually already probably have their talent. They're probably getting in trouble for it too.
Speaker 3:Oh, they're slowly getting a ground out of them, rice or lies as we push them through these channels that we have through a society that we've created. I'm really fascinated by the fact that you, you know, you were in this very corporate job, but then you're kind of having this awakening that, you know, this has made me not speaking to your soul. I mean, how did that feel as you were kind of having that realization and then, and then the, the final time when you decided, okay, I'm going to walk away from this beautiful job that I really enjoy. That's great paycheck and maybe some housing and a fives and this and that and the spray, the people. I mean, how does it feel when you're, you're realizing this isn't for you and then how do you make the final decision and step away from it?
Speaker 2:It was scary. I kid you not, it was scary because for me, at least in my background, no one in my family or my upbringing has ever left the corporate job to do something of their own. My dad retired from the same company. He joined as a teenager, and then he started his business after retirement, but he was there for all his life. And that's kind of how, what it was installed in us, our, my whole life, whether it was just stolen than me, is that you stay there and loyalty to the company and all that. And if you leave a company, you leave a company because you're miserable. So that was the rule like that was the unspoken rule in my family. And it was in my subconscious as well. And I had to realize that I had to follow my heart every day. I went to the office, even though externally look beautiful internally, I was dying. I felt like pieces of my soul was like being crushed. And one funny thing that happened is I got a manifestation of a semi of an illness while I was there. My hips would walk and every time I'd walk into the office, my hips would tied in and they would lock. And I couldn't would be an excruciating pain that for the last couple of months of me in the corporate world, I was working while standing because I couldn't sit on my desk and I would go to doctors and they told me, I don't know how old I was. I at that point at 28 years old, I needed a hip replacement. Okay. And I knew for sure that this was psychosomatic. Like this was me, my body telling me, get the hell outta here. We're not going to even let you stay. And that's actually what pushed me to leave the pain that I couldn't sit on a chair anymore was like, I need to go. And then I took a decision and I went on a vacation for one month and I went back home to Canada. And I remember the minute I got on a flight, I sat on the flight for 18 hours and I felt no pain. And that's when I knew it was over. Like, that was what had to happen. And since that day have never had that pain again, happened to me. And I was like, it was excruciating pain. So that was your, my body's way of telling me, get the hell outta here. It's done. It's done. Like your time is up when you're actually
Speaker 3:Stopping you from getting in.
Speaker 2:Because I think I would've stayed because of fear a little bit longer, but because I had that physical symptom, I will make the decision quicker.
Speaker 3:Gosh, what does it say? Credible? I have spoken to numerous people about this mind body connection, and we ignore it a lot. You know, we don't pay attention to our bodies. It talking to us all the time. It just depends on the time we're prepared to listen and actually act, I guess, depending on what it's trying to tell us a
Speaker 2:Hundred percent,
Speaker 3:You've got this beautiful and the group of clients that come to you and you're coaching them. I mean, have you seen a big increase recently or, you know, how, how has it changed in terms of people coming to you?
Speaker 2:Definitely increased. I feel like for me, COVID was the best thing that ever happened because I actually wasn't in the U S when the lock down happened and I continued to like, see my clients via zoom. So I was already seeing them via zoom because I was traveling and then it kind of solidified that everything goes on to zoom. And for me, that was like a blessing. Because in that time I was able to restructure my business in a way to make it all online as well. I never sold any change in kind of like the fluctuations. I was busy before I am still busy right now, but I see that the demographic of people that are coming have changed before, I would see people who are like burnt out or into the growth mindset who believe they need a coach. Right now. I see people who are eight years old, you know, like their parents were like, listen, I'm not going to invest in anything, except this for them, like heal them like half their mindset already. And I can see people who are at age 60, this is the new demographic before it was 25 to 35. Now I see a whole range of people. And I think that for me, has been the most interesting shift or change is that parents are now bringing their children to get this as part of their life, like same way. My kid's going to go do tennis this week. They're going to come do a session. And the older generation where people kind of already ruled them out, like they can change are coming by themselves because they see their daughters or sons changing during the process. So they're more curious. So they asked to come for a session or two, and then they find some relief. And they're like, how do we not know about this? So this shift and this big demographic shift is what I've actually noticed. And I love it.
Speaker 3:That's fascinating. I mean, I'd love to know what happens in a session with an eight year old. I mean, how are they in some ways easier to talk to and to present their minds are more,
Speaker 2:I mean, the difference is that their memories were a year ago where a 28 year old their memory was 20 years ago because most of the work I do is around the time of imprinting and the imprinting age zero seven. And most of our subconscious mind is actually developed between the age of zero to seven. And then we run the same programmings until we're a hundred or until we die from zero to seven. So nothing you're running today in your subconscious mind is new. You know, it's all outdated information that is just reciprocating and repeating itself in a way in these patterns and cycles that make you who you are. So for an eight year old, what I would maybe need two sessions to fix where the 28 year old with an eight year old, I can fix so much in one session. Yeah. I can fix all the eight years in a session pretty much. And I love, I love seeing how the, their parents are so happy with the shift. Like for me, the kids don't even know how big the shift is because they're young, but the parent who comes to you and goes, my kid has insomnia and had the insomnia is no longer there after a session. And or my, my kid used to struggle with eating and now does not have any eating structure. What is this? They call it like, what is the source or you're doing in the sessions? And I'm like, yeah, his memory was a couple of months ago, maybe maximum two years ago. It's right there. They're still limber. They're still remembering him. And it also, it can change so easily. Interesting. Okay.
Speaker 3:Interested in the fact you used the bug fix. So is it that people are coming to you, whether it's adult child with what, a problem that they want solved or is it something? Yeah.
Speaker 2:And there's also maybe my language, cause I go fix everything. That's kind of also how I use words, but yes, they come with a problem and we reprogram it into their subconscious mind. So if somebody comes to me today and they have an issue at work, I will be like, we can fix it. And then were like, what? You can change my boss. I'm like, no, but I'll fix the part of you. That feels not good enough that every time your boss say something you feel triggered. And that probably started between zero to seven, when you were triggered by a parent figure or an authority figure. So I'll be like, so tell me the first time you ever felt like you were not good enough with your parents. And we were work on that memory with them and, and the parent, and it would resolve what's going on in the work environment. Wow. Everything that's going on outside of us is actually inside of us. What triggers us is within us. So something outside of you is triggering you. This is kind of a signal from the universe. Hey, you got to work on this. This is something internal that is repeating and only you can heal it internally. Where is it? Internally? Internally, it's in our subconscious mind. And we built that our subconscious mind is a super brain it's developed in such a way that it can store every single thing that's ever happened to you across all the times in lives and paradigms and at one place.
Speaker 3:And then it's just going to keep things out lessons from them.
Speaker 2:Exactly. And it, if you don't control, your subconscious mind is going to control you. And that's when we see people with high anxiety, high stress, high emotional discomfort, that's all because there's, this is all bottled up in your subconscious mind and you haven't been able to control your subconscious mind or regulate it. So today you are being regulated by it. Yeah.
Speaker 3:So people come to you because they, they either want to solve this problem or they want to sort of start self-regulating and becoming the masters themselves rather than
Speaker 2:Exactly. Exactly. Yeah.
Speaker 3:So I'm really interested in the whole, you know, the way we live now is essentially not how we're really meant to live, right? So we live in these, you know, to use this corporate world, we live in, you know, sort of disparate groups, you know, we used to live in this sort of tribal groups. You know, I think I read recently that the optimum number of people together is like 75. It's this sort of number. So if you want it to make a connection with somebody, or if you wanted to get wisdom from somebody, it was there, it was within your groups. So we're so disconnected now, you know, we can't just knock on the door of that tribal elder. I mean, how can we have others coming to, to you and to experts like you? It was just fantastic, but how can we try and find these connections with other people so that we don't feel so much
Speaker 2:Connect with yourself? Kelly, the only way that we can connect with other people is if we connect with ourselves first, a lot of the work is internal. A lot of what we have to do in our life is understand us, connect with ourselves. We're so disconnected. We're a society that is so disconnected from self and connected to everything external. And we searched for everything to be from the outside in, but everything is from the inside out. So how can somebody connect with others, connect with yourself when you were in true, authentic congruence with yourself. When you know who you are, you know how to connect yourself with love. You know how to love yourself unconditionally, and you have self worth of who you are and what you do in your world. Your connections with other people are instantaneous. I've noticed this in my career that people just see me and come up to me now on the, on the street, they don't even know me. They've never seen me. And it just tells me that the deepest, darkest secrets straight off the bat. And I, we have an internal joke with me and my friends, because there's always one person out of somewhere. That'll just walk up with me. Well, maybe you need elevator. And I'll say, how are you doing? And they'll be like, ah, my husband just left me and Lola. And they would go into like, like their deepest Sega. And they go, I don't know why. I just told you that. And I believe it's because I've already connected to myself that I'm able to hold this space, energetically that when people enter my space, they automatically feel like they connect with me. And this is something that I've kind of really focused on. The last couple of years of my life was self-love. We are. So that love is, is conditional. That we don't even know how to love ourselves. Unconditionally. We have rules on how to love ourselves. Even when you connect with yourself, a lot of people they'll connect with themselves alone. Time means doing something externally, going to the spa, going to the beach. I'm like, when do you sit down with yourself and just stay there doing nothing. And you just sit and actually go, I'm here. Me and you let's connect. Never. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, most people can't even look at themselves in the mirror, right? There's an exercise where you just act like what's in the mirror and look in your own eyes and say, you know, I love you. And like I was reading something yesterday about this new thing where you high-fives yourself in the mirror. And people either laugh because it feels funny or they cry. They actually cried.
Speaker 2:Did a mirror workshop a few, um, a few weeks ago, I think I was in October that I did a mirror workshop and we put everybody in a room and gave them individual mirrors. And we did a whole mirror exercise to show you your patterns of how you address life. Because field can see the mirror. The mirrors are reflection of life for you. And there was people who, the minute they looked at the mirror just judged themselves. And there were people who didn't even, couldn't even look in the mirror. And some people who, you know, did everything in exercise except looking at the mirror. And that means has how you need to do life. So self-connection the connection with self. And I think what right now for me usually is the main focus point that I like to always, literally it is that we're in a world though. There are so many distractions and our focus is actually one of the most highest commodities out there. There's everything that's out there is trying to take your attention and take your focus. And it's working because less people are focused and connected on themselves and more focused and connected with the external world. And we were constantly told, you must do this externally. You have to do this. And you have to do that. You have to make more friends. You have to be social. You have to go out, you don't have to do Jack. You only have to connect with yourself. And only from when you connect yourself that you'll get into a place where you're aligned to your true self, that you're able to tend to base your decisions on. I'm not going to do that, or am I not going to do that? And that requires self-awareness and self connection. So that's the answer it's always been,
Speaker 3:But so how can we sort of put more attention than a more time on that? I mean, you know, especially if you're busy, you're working, you might have a couple of kids you've got to take to school in the morning. You got to get them back. You're trying to juggle a corporate job. I mean, how can we bring this attention to,
Speaker 2:Let's start with allocating five to 10 minutes for yourself in quiet time every day. And all you do is go into a room and you just meditate for five to 10 minutes. Meditation for me is one of the best forms of self reflection and self connection. Just taking a deep breath in mindfully. If you're connecting to yourself, one of the things I do every morning is, is I meditate. But part of my meditation is going through every part of my body and saying good morning to my organs. Good morning to my eyes. Good morning to my nose. Good morning. And I just go, good morning, good morning. And I go bring my consciousness from the top to my tilt. And then I go backwards upwards. How y'all feeling today. That's self-connection. We have to connect with us ourselves internally in order for us to know what's going on. So a lot of people have symptoms all day long of pain. Pain is the last thing that shows up. That's the last red flag that shows up as a sign from you to you. So we're so conditioned that the only way we pay attention is by pain, that we stopped noticing ourselves when we're in a good mood or in a good state of mind. We don't notice ourselves when we're in a good state of mind, but we bring about pain in order to pay attention.
Speaker 3:And I'm so glad that you said five, 10 minutes of meditation, because I used to always struggle with this. Like what if my 30 minutes? And I've got to sit down and I've got to do this. And like, that is, can be quite hard. So like five 10.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Especially when you're starting, you know, when you're starting, I would say one minute, like I don't even push my, I go to my clients and you can do one minute a day. That's already a win for us. That's one minute better than yesterday. Right? We give ourselves these unrealistic goals to achieve because we've only been conditioned that achievement is, needs to be substantial and huge achievement means doing something better than yesterday. We're in the society of perfection instead of progress. I don't like perfection. I like progress. If yesterday you did zero minutes and today you did one minute progress. Let's celebrate that
Speaker 3:Music to my ears. I couldn't agree more. And I want to skip back to something you said about your family and, and your dad had had this job that was very sort of, you know, followed this path. I mean, you're, you've got into a very traditional career path. I mean, how, how did they react to that and how has that gone along with it?
Speaker 2:So I still have to educate them a lot about what I do, because it's very stereotypical or you work with crazy people and it's like, I actually don't work with any crazy people, you know? But a big thing I learned a few years ago is you need to live life for you. Everybody's lived their life. Everybody's advice comes from a very good place, but that's their perception and that's their experience. So you have a choice every time you hear feedback or, or advice you say, I hear you, thank you. And then you take it and you internalize it and see if this is for you. A lot of the advice I got was not for me, it was from them, for them, it would work for them, but it would not work for me. And I think one of the major things I got good at over time was knowing what's good for me. And even sometimes what's good for me can be a disaster, but it was good for me from the point of learning or experiencing my own experiences in life. So the way I say this is is no one has to like what you do, as long as you're happy with what you're doing. No one has to agree with it for me at this point in life. It's like, I believe that everybody's on their path to achieve whatever they want to do. Even if it's failure. If I would see a person intentionally failing. And even though they have everything in line for them, and they're still failing, I feel like that's a choice. That's their choice. That's their life that they want to live. Let them continue in that path. We're so used to saving people and getting in there and going like AMI help you. Everybody has free will. That's unsolicited advice. That's unsolicited help. If I, every time somebody fails, I go in and save them. I'm incorporating a new belief structure where I'm disabling this person to actually find it within them to save themselves. So I like a very hands-off approach unless you come directly and tell me, Hey, I need help. So I take a step back. I'm like, it's your life? What would you choose to do? Now, if you ask for guidance, you get the guidance. I don't expect you to follow the guidance.
Speaker 3:Yeah, very true. And this kind of links to my next question, which was, I love this quote that you said, which was, um, we only keep bad behavior. If it serves us in some way, it gives us a benefit in some way. I mean, how can that be? That we keep it. And then how can we break free from it? Ultimately,
Speaker 2:This is how our mind is wired. That was my way of interpreting the subconscious mind and toxic behaviors. We keep toxic behaviors or negative behaviors or limiting beliefs because our subconscious mind is designed to protect us. So when we're doing something, let's take procrastination. For an example, procrastination is something a lot of people suffer with and you beat yourself up for procrastinating all the time. Why would you continue to procrastinate and then beat yourself up for it? You can just stop procrastinating. If it was that simple, everybody would have done it so far. The reason why it's not simple is because there's something underneath the waterline underneath the iceberg that is they're making you behave in such a way it's making you do the things you don't want to do when you still do them. So if we just look at procrastination, for example, procrastination is quote by quote perfection, but it's in the drilling that comes from that. There's a drill in that pushes you last minute to work. So you get addicted to that. And when you're addicted to the adrenaline, you don't actually stop. So how does it benefit you as well to procrastinate? Well, another way is you feel very smart that you've managed to do a task in an hour that you had a week or two weeks to do it. So it's kind of a little nod to yourself for doing it. That's the way it benefits you and serves you every single bad behavior or bad pattern you do find, how does it benefit you? And you can actually unlock it for yourself,
Speaker 3:Trusting, gosh, I've got a list I want to start. Um, so you have done this right? Cool for job. And I'm sure there's a lot of people listening that, you know, getting up, going to work every day. I mean, how can we find more fulfillment in that? How can we, you know, if you have got this sort of spiritual belief structure, how can you balance that with getting, getting in your car and driving to work and putting on your suit and taking on that different persona every day? And how can we jump in and balance?
Speaker 2:I have two key virtues that I believe this is my belief. This is not science. Just my belief on what fulfillment is. Fulfillment for me is growth and contribution. When you're constantly growing, you feel automatically that something is changing in your life in a positive direction. And the second thing is contributing when you are off service to people and contributing to your community and the people around you, that's already another thing that puts you in that upwards trajectory. So there's a lot of things in life that don't give you growth and don't give you contribution. And if they don't give you that, you're never going to feel fulfilled, no matter how much money you have, how much security you have, how much safety you have, how much love you have. If you're not growing in a relationship you're dying. You know, if you're not growing and supporting your community, you're dying in it. So for me, fulfillment is very easy to find something that actually just makes you grow and find something where you can contribute to the community or the people around you and you'll feel fulfilled forever.
Speaker 3:Wow. It's just not about you. You come across as a very hopeful person having when we're talking, do you feel hopeful about the way that life is going at the moment,
Speaker 2:Um, who had, that's a trick question, but I feel hopeful about the way the world is coming. I believe highly in the belief structure of I create my own reality. I'll just take COVID. For example, COVID was horrible for a lot of people around the world. I said it was the best time of my life. So here's a bad thing that happened to everybody and different people found it in different ways, right? I believe we create our own reality. So if I can see, we can both go to the same concert and you can come out of the concert and be like, that was amazing. And I can leave that concert and be like, that was total trash. We both were in the same place, same musician, same experience, but our realities were different. This is how I like my reality of the world to be. I like to always things that I will create the best life for myself, in whatever circumstances come on. Now, I know that there's a lot happening in the world. I'm not blind to it. I just want to keep that no matter what happens, I'll be able to sustain my mindset and sustain the way I think about it in a more positive way. Because if we focus on the negative, we're only going to see the negative, like this whole thing about Metta life coming, I'm completely against Metta. And this is for me, soul trapping. If I take you out of your reality of actually being mindful and living your life and taking you to a digital place where you're going to be consumed all day long, you're going to lose touch with yourself. You're going to lose touch with your soul, with your spirit. So instead of focusing about how scary that is, I'm going to just focus that I re focus my life, that it's able to still be integral and mindful and conscious of my being this and the people around me without being sucked into whatever drama that comes from that. So that's my philosophy in life. Things happen. You have to create your own reality
Speaker 3:Sounds fantastic. And you touched on sort of the people that you have around you and, and keeping that energy is very important. I get the sense that you have a very strong group of people around you that are kind of like-minded that are helping
Speaker 2:Yes, a hundred percent. I surround myself by very positive people. A lot of people were in the same mindset. A lot of us are the kind of community right now, and we're growing and growing as a community as well. It's really about the energy, the vibe, the vibe check, right? For me, it's like, you can be from any walk of life. If your energy is great, I want you around me. If your energy is not great, I don't want to be around you. So a part of our self-love journey is to protect our energy and make sure that we only allow things in our sphere that are good energy. And that's one of the main things that I said, if you're connected to yourself and you understand your energy and the kind of vibe you are, and you can actually just attract to you, the people who are of the same vibe, I walk into a street, like I said, and I can meet a person I contact when we vibing already. And it's like, Hey, how you doing? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you make friends and your tribe gets bigger and bigger just because, just because of a ride like attracts. Like, so if you're, you're attracting people that are negative, like attracts, like, so you have to kind of figure your energy out and resolve that. And now you'll start attracting what you want in your life.
Speaker 3:If you've got people around, you find not necessarily on that side, but you know, kind of, can you try and persuade them? Can you bring them with you or is kind of a waste?
Speaker 2:Uh, no, like I said, I don't save people. So what I, what I do is for me is I can share the information I have and I give you the right tools. You have a free will and the choice for you to go ahead and pursue that path or not. Now, if your energy is affecting me, I have an honor to myself to protect my energy. So that means I will either distance myself from you. Or I know I will. I will kind of give you the feedback that I don't buy. Like we're not vibing at the moment. Doesn't mean I don't love you. I love you. I just don't vibe with you completely different. You can love, this is something people don't understand is you can love people. You like, I'm going to repeat that. You can love people. You don't like, you know, and this is where a vibe check is. We have a lot of these beliefs just because I've been friends with you. Now I have to be friends with you forever. Or just because you're family, I have to love you forever, or be around you forever. These are toxic. These are not correct belief structures. Why would I be around somebody who was toxic and dishonors me the whole time? So I like to kind of be very clear with energy. Like, I can still love you. I can still spend time with you if you need help, but you need to be taking action in your life to higher increasing your vibration. It's not my responsibility to increase your vibration. So it's a choice. It's a freewill. You want to do it, you do it. You don't want to do it syllabi.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And then I guess that means sometimes you might have to make some painful decisions, right? It's about who you have in your life. We, you don't.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And they don't actually don't have to be painful decisions. It can just be an easy decision. They just can be easy decisions. Um, you know, I've had to like end friendships and businesses and partnerships just based on vibe. I still love them. I still check up on him. I still do everything, but just, we're not vibrating on the same level anymore. We're all frequencies. There's a level of frequency that we operate in. Just means I'm vibrating here. You're vibrating here. Or we're vibrating. It doesn't mean that one of us was right or wrong. It just means we're not vibrating on the same way. Wavelength. We can vibrate wherever we want. It's our choice. We're not interacting right now. We're not intersecting.
Speaker 3:No, I totally got it. I talked to God. I love it. Everything that you do, your whole life's purpose is all around. Sort of helping other people achieve their life's potential. Be that best. I mean, what is it that nourishes you? Who or what? And I suspect you're going to say it comes home.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Who or what nourishes me. The correct answer is me. I nourish me and I don't say this in a like, oh, I'm independent. I need to do everything myself type of way. I say it because I've come from a background where I thought I had to have everybody validate me, everybody, except me. Everybody loved me in order for me to be enough in order for me to feel loved. And I had to really unlearn that programming and understand that it's me. I am obliged to nourish myself. We all enter marriages and relationships and partnerships where we go. They have to love me. That's the worst thing you can do, which you have to love you. And when you're able to love yourself, you're actually going to feel the other person's love. So everything for us has to come from within. Everything has to come from within no more. You cannot dependent ask for people to nourish you. When you don't notice yourself, you can't ask for people to love you when you don't love yourself. That's just not how it works. You fill your cup up. You love yourself. First, you nourish yourself first. And then you're going to just slowly start to see that other people actually love you because now you're worthy of being loved. It's an inside job. It's an inside job.
Speaker 3:So this podcast is obviously it's called good intentions. And I'm trying to sort of look at what intentions can we set for ourselves? What practical tips do you have to sort of help us keep our energy levels high, keep ourselves sort of working at that, that high level and encourage that home.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Setting intentions is actually one of my daily practices that I do. So one of the main things I do is I meditate. I journal and I set my intentions. And if people follow me on Instagram, I wake every day. I'm like, did you journal? Did you meditate? Did you set your intentions? That's my thing. Because I believe when we set the intentions, we're actually creating our focus force, like our energetic focus force. And when we have that trajectory of where we need to go in front of us. So for example, if the day is like today, my intentions are just to be happy. Or today my intentions are to be friendly to two strangers. That's your focus for the day? Part of what we do in our life is we make it so hard for us to feel good and so easy for us to feel miserable. What do I mean by that? I mean like when it comes to what can you off the question, people about this, this, this, this, this, this, this, but then when you tell them what can actually make you happy today? They're like, oh, I didn't think about it. So we make it so easy for our day that anything can us off. What is so hard for us to get happy. We got to switch this around. We have to make it so easy for us to be happy. It's so hard for us to get mad. And that's when we do this, that this little reconnection of our life, we actually change everything around us. So things like being grateful for the little things, being aware of smiling to strangers or talking to strangers, that's one of my favorite things to do. And I see somebody I'm like, hello, how are you doing? Hey, how you doing? People are like, oh, no one said hi to me this morning, going and grabbing your coffee from the barista and just asking her, how are you really doing today? You know, just these little things that will actually add the momentum. Like we're just a ball, like, you know, a snowball of that, right? We're just a snowball on the top of the mountain when they start we're right there, we can go downhill, you know, and accumulate negative thoughts and negative feelings and negative vibrations throughout the day. And Madden and anxiety and worry and all these negative stuff. Or we can go downhill and accumulate all the good stuff like gratitude and happiness and joy and friendliness and laughter and all the good stuff. It's a choice, but it's a choice you have to make every single day. What is your intention for the day? And we just start every day by just filling out that intention. Like, do you know what today I'm going to just be happy or I'm going to look at the good and things, or I'm going to have fun or whatever it is. As simple as that, the trajectory is beautiful
Speaker 3:Greenville. I'm one of those people that smiling and waving at strangers and chatting to everybody. Yeah, it's this,
Speaker 2:It's a good time. You know, Kelly, this life can be hell or it can be heaven. It's your choice. You can make it a help for yourself, or you can make it a habit for yourself. It's really up to you.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I couldn't agree more if you could kind of genuine from the world's leaders, who would be your ideal coaching clients.
Speaker 2:So if I would coach anybody, it has to be somebody coachable. I really don't care who it can be. It can be anybody in the world, but it has to be somebody coachable because if you're not coachable, if you're not open for feedback, if you're not open and receptive and surrender to knowing that, you know what I want to change and I deserve to change, and I'm here to change. If you have resistant, then it should not your time. So I, I, for me, it's like, that's a waste of time for both of us. But if somebody was very coachable, takes feedback is open, receptive. Surrenders allows the process to go as it is for me. That's my ideal person, ideal person, period, and ideal client even. Yes. Hell yeah. Even better. So for me, like when people talk to me about celebrities and stuff, I already coach a lot of them. So for me, it's like, they just have to be coachable.
Speaker 3:Yeah. The mindset, right. It's not about the person. And now I suspect you've got a great answer to this question. Cause I was like to ask people about books that they've read that have sort of changed their lives. So that meant something to them. I mean, I'm wondering if Tony is going to be in there
Speaker 2:So interesting. This is a good question because I read an average of three books a week. I'm constantly reading. So do I have books that have changed my life? Of course, I'm going to go early in my journey. I'm going to give you three books. Can I give three books? I'm going to divide them in terms of journey. In the beginning of the journey of book that changed my mind was Vishaan. Like honey's the extraordinary mind. And it was one of the first books that when I was depressed, I read and I was like, oh, I like that. Okay. That was like, it did change a lot of things for me. And let me think in different ways, that was a good book midway through my healing journey. There was a book by, I need them or Johnny dying to be meet. Yeah. This book gave me peace. I found my inner peace in this book because she talked about her near death experience and what happens after death. And just so much of it resonated with me and gave me peace. It's a beautiful book. It's one of my all ultimate favorite books is conversations with God by Donald. Yes. Have you read that? It's an amazing book. It's an amazing book. And you book that I've now kind of put on a pedestal, is it, why did it happen to me? It's very new. It's Oprah and it's Oprah's new book.
Speaker 3:What happens to you?
Speaker 2:What to happen to you? Yeah. I just read this book three months ago and I love it. And I think a lot of the work I do is in that book. So their, their research, whatever we're focusing on your childhood, that's for me, what I do. So when I read the book, I was like, ah, yes, I love the way they explained some of this things. I'm going to be inspired by some of this and kind of, yes, this is exactly it. So if somebody really wants to know about the importance of childhood, there's a lot of what the work I do is, is focusing on the subconscious mind and the imprinting age. They touched upon it. So yeah, these let's say the four books that currently on my top four, I'm currently listening to will by will Smith. It's his biography. And I really love it.
Speaker 3:Tell me, is it good?
Speaker 2:It's 18 chapters. I started yesterday evening. I'm already in chapter 10 right now. It's 80 chapters. It's just, I also got the audible. So I'm listening and reading at the same time. He's amazing on audible. Like I'm laughing out loud. He's punchy. He's talking about trauma. So it's a really deep book. So he's not a book about his just biography. And you think it's like fresh prince of Bel-Air and everything's cool. He's talking about his childhood abuse. He's talking about discipline. His talking about disappointing. His family disappointing, love how he learned the conditioning of love. So it's deep book, actually. It's not what people think it is. It's not what people think. And I think that's what attracted me to it because I saw him talk about it on a TV show and he said, it's not what you expect. And I was like, Hmm. And then I read a snippet and I was like, all right, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. I'm going to read it. I got it. I started yesterday. I can put it down.
Speaker 3:Wow. I can't wait to get it. And I imagine if he's reading it on audible as well, it just was,
Speaker 2:He is hilarious and liable. Cause you don't need that. He changes his word. Like he, it's not like he's reading a book. He's like, he's like talking to you. And he's like changes his vocal ranges, things on it as well. And yeah, it's cool.
Speaker 3:I love to Matthew McConaughey wrote a book last year or the year before called green lights. All of his, his life were similar. It goes into quite a lot of deep stuff about his family and his upbringing.
Speaker 2:I think we'll see this pretty well. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh, very much. So. Very much so. Yeah. Hearing Matthew McConaughey his voice, obviously with that gorgeous, gorgeous voice. I remember exactly where I was in the house and the car for each chapter. Like if I was to pick it up now, I'd be like, oh yeah, I'm stirred that. I just, it, it prints on you in a different way on this
Speaker 2:Really good
Speaker 3:Little Smith book on my list of next books to pick up. Brilliant. And finally, I just wanted to ask you your perspective on what do you think our purposes here on earth? Why are we here?
Speaker 2:Our purpose on earth is just to be happy. Full stop is to find our own happiness. We don't actually have a purpose. That's my perspective. We don't have a thing that we have to do or serve or say, or we don't have to do that. But what we're here to do is find our happiness and that will fees. That's why they call it the pursuit of happiness. But because actually happiness is the inside job. And when we get to that place, then you answer the question, then you're ready to fulfill any other thing you want to do in life. We can have multiple purposes in life, but they're not why you're here. You're here to remember that you are loved and that you are happiness, full stop.
Speaker 3:Gosh, what a gorgeous way to end our conversation. I actually love that. Thank you so much, Heather. That was an amazing, amazing.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Thank you.
Speaker 3:Thanks so much for listening to the good intentions podcast. You can find links to issues and to books that were
Speaker 1:Discussed in the show notes. And you can look for the podcast on Instagram. It's good intentions, UAE. Please do make sure you subscribe to the podcast. And if you enjoyed this conversation, I so appreciate a review on whatever platform you're using. It helps more people find out about the podcast. See you next time.