Ep 43 - Empowering Young Minds with Confidence and Resilience - Yasmine Hammad

Yasmine Hammad, the visionary behind the Blossoming Kindness Initiative and a Certified Children’s Life Coach, is dedicated to empowering young minds through play-based coaching.

In a world inundated with toxic influences, social media pressures, and peer expectations, children often grapple with anxiety, stress, and a lack of motivation, leading to a decline in their overall well-being—physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Yasmine's unique approach equips children with essential life skills, enabling them to cultivate a resilient inner world. By focusing on their well-being, children can navigate external toxic influences with strength and grace.

In today’s conversation, we delved into fostering a positive mindset in children, addressing challenges like screen time, and creating an open environment for meaningful parent-child dialogue. We also tackled the difficult topic of the ongoing war in Palestine, exploring ways to discuss the unimaginable horror with children.

This emotional and heartfelt conversation provides valuable insights into nurturing our children's well-being amid today's complex challenges. I hope you find it both enlightening and inspiring.

 Follow me, and the Good Intentions podcast:

https://www.instagram.com/kellyharvarde/

https://www.instagram.com/goodintentionsuae/

Find Yasmine and Blossoming Kindness here:

https://www.instagram.com/blossomingkindness

Immerse yourself in some of the books we discussed: 

Yasmine  Hammad - Blossoming Kindness

https://uae.kinokuniya.com/bw/9789948356202

Wayne Dyer - What do You Really Want for Your Children

https://www.amazon.com/What-Really-Want-Your-Children/dp/0380730472

Sharon Blackie - If Women Rose Rooted

https://www.amazon.com/Women-Rose-Rooted-Authenticity-Belonging/dp/1910463663

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome to Good Intentions, the podcast where we explore the world around us to find meaning and intention in what we do. I'm Kelly Harvard and I'm on a mission to spread positive stories that will inspire you to live a more meaningful and connected life. Yes , mean Hamad . The visionary behind the Blossoming Kindness Initiative and a certified children's life coach is dedicated to empowering young minds through play-based coaching in a world inundated with toxic influences, social media pressures and peer expectations, children often grapple with anxiety, stress, and a lack of motivation leading to a decline in their overall wellbeing, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Yasmin's unique approach equips children with essential life skills, enabling them to cultivate a resilient in a world. By focusing on their wellbeing, children can navigate external toxic influences with strength and grace. In today's conversation, we delved into fostering a positive mindset in children, addressing challenges like screen time, and creating an open environment for meaningful parent-child dialogue. We also tackled the difficult topic of the ongoing war in Palestine, exploring ways to discuss the unimaginable horror with children . This emotional and heartfelt conversation provides valuable insights into nurturing our children's wellbeing amid today's complex challenges. I hope you find it both enlightening and inspiring. Morning Anthony , thanks so much for joining us on the podcast. Good morning, Kelly . Thank you for having me. So happy to talk to you. And I just wanted to start at the very beginning, really tell us a bit about yourself and tell us how you became a Kin's life coach. Because I'm really fascinated about this whole kin's life coach area. Okay. It's a journey. Like everything else. I started off , I didn't actually study anything that's related to children. I was, I majored in political science or 20 years ago and I just , uh, you know, it was the journey of finding the right job, but for some reason, whatever job I took, it was actually related to children. So consultancy in unicef , working in other NGOs. And the first company that I actually established was to help children fall in love with prayer. For example, it was called ti and uh , uh, my mom , uh, unfortunately passed away , uh, two years ago and I took actually some time off to focus on what I really, really wanna do. And I, deep down inside, I know that I wanna create an impact not only on my children leaving a legacy, but also on the community. So when I wrote the children's book, every time I would go to a school and actually read it with the kids, I kept on saying , something is so missing 'cause I wanna leave something for the kids. Right. Something, a takeaway that they take away not only from the story, but something that they can actually use in their daily lives. And , um, started looking up like psychology, kids', life coaching and , uh, fell in love with the , with the concept of kids life coaching. And this is what I started , I started studying and obtaining like knowledge and taking courses here and there until I became a certified life coach. Amazing. And so, I mean, I look , I've heard of life coaches, I think we all have, you know, and, and I've even, you know , worked with a life coach myself, but I've never, never until I met you , I'd never, never knew that a kid's life coach existed. So what exactly do you do? I mean, how is it different to coaching adults? I assume it's very different. Tell us a bit more about that. It is different, I think , uh, with adults it's more goal oriented and, you know, helping the coachee achieve their goals and the milestones and all of that. So it's about really motivating them and, you know, unfolding like what they wanna achieve. But with the kid's coaching, what I love about it is that you are providing a safe space , uh, safe space for the child and you're also giving them life skills. It's not about achieving a goal, sometimes it is, it depends on the needs of the child. So every child gets a tailored plan for him or her, and it's about that safe space. And in that safe space you actually get to play. So essentially play based coaching. So you get to play a few games, do a few activities, and through those activities you actually put down the lesson, give an analogy, and that analogy sticks in their head, whether it's about confidence or about things that I can control in my life and, and all of that. So it's so much fun I have to see . Yeah, it sounds it, I mean you , you mentioned that it's all sort of play-based, so I assume that's sort of the way that you make it engaging and effective. So how I , I guess you speak to the parents first to kind of understand what the child might want to or what they are hoping for their child to get from it. How do you kind of approach a session to make it really engaging and effective? Okay . Yeah, it's a lot of work at the beginning because you also wanna understand what the family dynamic. So there is the parent's goal, there's my goal, what I wanna instill, like the life skills. And then you have the child's goal . And at the beginning I do send the parents an assessment where they have to fill in so I can get an idea of what's happening in their household and idea . I'd like to speak to the child as well. Like I want to have like a face-to-face, maybe online as well. Like have a conversation with them, tell them what I do and ask them whether they wanna come and join me or not. Because I don't want any child to come here and be forced to be here because I feel like this is part of actually building their confidence and self-esteem. And um, you know, the first session is all about a little bit of games. I tell them stories about myself because I'm more focused on the social emotional skills of the children more than anything else. So I start up by opening up to them and telling them stories from my life. I want them to understand that I also experience different emotions and sometimes I feel angry and that way I gain their trust and most of them can open up and talk. I'm not a therapist, so I don't dig deeper into why they're behaving the way they're behaving. But if the child is happy to talk, they usually do. As soon as I actually finish telling, you know, a story from my own life, gosh, that must be an amazing feeling as me when a kid really opens up to you and and trusts you. Yeah, it's lovely. It's really nice. It's very rewarding in so many ways. Yeah , of course. I can imagine. And why are kids coming to you? I mean, what are the sort of challenges that kids are mainly facing today? How do you kind of help them navigate those challenges as well? Is there anything that comes up frequently? I mean, and because there's a huge diversity for you e right? So it really depends on the environment and the way you're actually being raised, the age as well . But the most common factors or issues that I'm seeing a lot of is , is bullying, screen time, unhealthy eating, and uh, the inability to actually express their emotions. Wow, okay. I mean, and what , what ages are they as kids ? I start from six till 18 actually. So yeah. And, and actually one, one more, which is actually I might be able to talk about , uh, during today, which is anxiety. There's a lot of anxiety, but some of them are beyond my profession. Some of them are actually recommended to go straight to a therapist who actually can handle and help them better than I would. Gosh. And , and what age is , are kids coming to you in anxiety ? Are they coming quite young or is it the teenagers? Yeah, six. No. Yes . Yeah, I know. Yeah . But I would never know the root of it. Like obviously with the parents and the discovery calls and every week I do like a weekly call with the parents to see if the child is actually coping and and managing with their life skills that they took that week. And sometimes I do hear stories like some of the moms are really, really amazing and they're sharing and you know, while we're talking I could actually say, okay, but can't you see that this and that actually affected them? It might be the case, but at least for you to know if you wanna go to a therapist to dig deeper, this would be ideal. If you don't want, then I totally respect that and let's continue. So I mean, yeah , if a child comes to you that's got some of the , you know , if it's anxiety, if it's , if it's a younger child, I mean, how do you work with them to make them more confident and to build a billion some , I'm assuming it's not an easy solution or it's not. I can share with you one of the stories without mentioning the names . Let's , um, call the girl Dee , for example. Dee is six years old. She came , uh, last told her and uh, she had an issue where she was crying every single day at school. It was separation anxiety. She didn't wanna leave her mom. And at that age, it's okay for the child to cry, right? But it was a daily thing and she wasn't coping well during the classroom. So when I got involved, I actually got in touch with the counselor, the teacher and the mom , and we created like an email thread where every session or whatever I give her whatever analogy I work with her, we would actually all use it. So for example, at the end , which is the , it's an analogy. It's about the um , uh, automatic negative thoughts. And when they come over and eat your picnic, how do you push them away? I push them gently and then two more come. And then what you do about it, you push them gently away and then what they flood you with ants and bug , then they ruin your picnic. And it's the same with our brain. So this is how I tell them the story, right? I start creating, like start drawing their favorite food and we sit down and we that as if we're having a picnic. So it was those analogies that I actually wanted her , uh, counselor at school to help her with. I wanted her teachers to tell her how many ants you have, are you feeling okay? Alright . And then the coping skills. So I've given her for example, bubbles to do some breathing exercise. Would you like to blow some bubbles outside? Uh, we created for example, a worry pencil keys where she has stuff, you know, where she can actually hold onto or a picture of mommy 'cause she was missing mommy the most. And the mom was absolutely amazing. She was so patient and not only that, she was doing the work with her daughter. And that's actually a really important factor in the coaching. If the mom is supporting and overseeing and helping the child and telling her how many aunts and all of that and using the analogies, it is very powerful. So she took six sessions and then we took the summer break, she came back for six more. And I swear to you, Kelly, I couldn't believe my eyes. I couldn't even believe that that was her, because with the coaching sessions, her mom needs to be in the room with us. And now the mom is actually able to sit on the sofa outside and the child is in the room and we can actually close the door. That would have been a disaster before. And she didn't stop talking. And I told the mom what happened over the summer. She's like, you know what, it's the coaching. And I was like, no, but it's not only the coaching, it's you and it's her doing the work, right? Because if the child is able to, you know, use the tools that are and believes that those tools are actually gonna help, then it is actually impactful. So I'm not saying that her anxiety went away. I believe that her father was against therapy. So that's why they had to stick with coaching. And I was obviously working with the counselor. I made a few recommendations and we saw progress. So that was like, okay. And then there was also things like books about anxiety that were given to the mom that she would read with her, draw a heart for her, you know, and, and give her a necklace or give her a bracelet. The mom tried a lot of things. So I'm not saying that it was what of us that made that change. It was all of us as a community, right? Like the moming and the effort, the girl actually putting in the work and using whatever tools she had. And now she cries but not as frequent. And it would be like in the middle of the day where she actually misses her mom and she gets in the car with her cousins or her sister and she's okay with that. So the progress was absolutely fascinating. And she, the girl said, I still wanna come back for more sessions. And I told her, okay, you know what? Maybe next year we do like every biweekly or something along those lines because I feel like she doesn't need, but the fact that she's confident enough and you could see it in her body language, you know what I mean? Like when, you know, you could see the shoulders are upright , uh, there's more smiling the way she talks. So it is heartbreaking when you first, you know, and it's heavy as well. And obviously the coaches, right, because you're taking all of the end from the parents, from the children, all of that. So keeping also like a clear mind that not getting too attached is actually also very important. Well , so many extra questions are coming into my head as you're talking. Yeah. I wanted to ask you , I mean like in your experience, so how much, when these kids come to you, I mean, how much of this is, is kind of nature and how much of it is nurture ? 'cause we were debate this , right? We're like, are you born a certain ways ? Like are I know people born better than others or more pro to this? Or is it an environmental thing? I mean, what , what do you think about that? I think it's a 50 50 game. I mean, there's a lot that we inherit from our parents, right? And I feel like when we're in the world , whatever my parents experience, I've experiences I've experienced as well. And then you have a big part of the environment, which plays a huge role in shaping who we are and, and the stories we make in our heads, whether they were true or not, and what someone told us. And you know, all of that shapes us . So I believe like it starts from before you're actually born and then it continues on. So it's , uh, I mean it's hard to tell to be honest with you. But again, I'm not interested in, you know, where it came from. And I , and I have to make that because people confuse coaches and therapists and I'm not a therapist, so that's why I wanna be clear that I can work with the child to a certain stage, but then if I feel like he needs deeper work, then I think, you know, CBT or any of the other modalities could actually work very well. Yeah, no, makes perfect sense. And you know, you talk about how heavy it can be. I mean, I know how heavy it is , you know, if my daughter is sad or I'm sure any parent knows, it's just the worst feeling in the world. You are dealing at all these beautiful souls that come to you that might be carrying so much heaviness. I mean, how do you cope with taking that heaviness from them and and not letting it come ? Even if I'm talking to you like my shirt is going up, I feel it, you know, I feel it . My goodness. How do you manage it when you're dealing with this on a , on a daily basis? Do you know what? I feel like it's more the parents and the children because when the children come here, they come to actually play and sometimes yeah, they can use stories and you're like , Hmm , yeah, or my mom does that. And I'm like, oh no, I don't wanna hear that. And, and it just comes out in the game, right? But I feel like it's the heaviest when it comes to parents, and I'm not a parent coach as well, I can help parents and I can guide them based on what I'm giving the child, but I'm not, I think it's heavier with the parents. 'cause the parents are offloading on you and they're sharing the stories and some of them are heavy and you wanna help them and, and you wanna, but you when it comes to , so , so parents, they are already shaped in a way and most of them have fixated mindsets that you can't really change , right? So I feel like with the children, you can mold, you can actually give them the advice, they can actually use the coping skills. But for us , even for me , you know, come and tell me to change. Right now, for me personally, I embrace it. It might take me a while , but not all the parents out there are actually embracing the change and going with the modern world. So I feel like sometimes it is difficult and it's heavier with the parents because the parents are more outspoken and, and when they come to you, they're actually pouring it out there. My child, is this, my child , this , that. And that's why when it comes to the assessment, the first part is actually the positive part. What do I love about my child? Are they caring? Are they mindful? Are they kind, are they empathetic? Because I wanted the parents to know that whatever behavior or whatever issue the child has, they are a unique beautiful souls to begin with. And then yes, they have those issues and are unable able to help them. Can you please help? Do you know what I mean? So even the way it's constructed, I want them to first focus on the qualities and the beauties of those children before actually going rent competing <laugh> . Yeah , no , absolutely. And I mean, this is leads really nicely into what else I wanted to ask you, which is, so you , you talked about the role that parents play in sort of supporting kids through this process. I mean, and I'm sure this is a huge subject, but what advice if parents want to foster an optimistic, positive mindset in their parents? You know, it's not just as simple as like happy clappy every day . I mean , what are some of the things that we can do as parents to kind of set our kids up for this? Yeah, I think, well, I have a few points that I would like to share with you. I think the first one is working on ourselves, right? We already have issues. All of us human beings. I mean, there's not a single person on this planet that doesn't have, you know, some kind of complex or some kind of issue. So working on yourself and understanding your triggers, I'm not seeing so them all right now and become a, you know, a good, I'm just seeing whatever go on a root , you know, like a journey of you can heal from here. Maybe understanding yourself a little bit more and understand those triggers. Because when we are parenting every single day, there are things that rise up and sometimes we get mad , but it has nothing to do with the child, it's about us, right? So understanding that combination , uh, role modeling as well. So when I am with the kids and, and I wanna obviously not happy go lucky , but I wanna show them some kind of helpful mindset in front of them. So for example, I'm playing PlayStation with the kids and they're way better than me even though I was playing when I was a lot younger. So they're way better than me. So instead of saying, so, so watch how I'm gonna actually say that. So instead of saying, oh my God, I'm really bad at this, I will never be good at it, right? You switch that and instead you actually exchange it into, wow, this game is quite challenging, you guys, I know I can be as good as you if I practice a little bit more. Do you mind if you help me and show me a few? That's a growth mindset, that's a helpful mindset. That's showing them that we struggle as well as parents, right? Like it's not only them, they struggle with the gymnastics or with the basketball or whatever. No, we all struggle. But what kind of mindset do you wanna set for the kids? Is it one that actually keeps on saying, I'm really bad at this, I can't do it, I'm giving up. Or is it, you know, what I've tried doesn't work for me, but I'd like to try something else. You know what I mean? So role modeling it . And then the third thing is there's no perfect parent on this planet as well. So I think we're all doing our best at parenting, right? Every single day something comes up, life happens, and we're trying our best. So just remember to be kind to yourself because you, you know, fell back into a pattern or, or yelled or whatever it is. That means that you're a bad parent. I feel like we need to give ourself a little bit more grace and, and be kind to ourselves. No , I agree with all those points and I'm so glad what you said about role modeling. So I do this a lot with , um, tennis, like between you and me, I'm awful at tennis. Yeah . But in front of, I , I always try, she'll say like, how was tennis today? And I'll say, well, do you know, I found it really hard and I'm not good at this yet. Like someone said to me about using the word yet. So I say, well , I'm not, I'm not quite there yet, but I did really well in this bit or I did really well in that bit. And then some days I am actually relatively okay and I will come home and I'll be like, yeah , I was amazing today, so much better than last week. But she's come to watch me play and she sees me like, one time my tennis coach said to me, if I watch you from this side, I think you're a really good tennis player. But then I watch you from that side and you are awful. I, I laugh 'cause I just think I find it hysterical and I'm , I'm not taking it too seriously 'cause I'm not intending to play at Wimbledon. But I thought is kind of good that she sees that I'm struggling and she finds it a challenge. And you know, sometimes when I go to F 45, I am literally lacing my shoe laces up going, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go. But in front of her I say, well do you know what? I don't really feel like it, but I'm going anyway because sometimes we have to do things. So rather than saying I hate it, I don't wanna go. So yeah, trying to do that all the time I think has kind of helped us reframe quite a lot of things in our house, which, which is helpful . Yeah, you gotta try, right? And I wanna look , we we're sat here in Dubai, which is this incredible beautiful city hamdu that we're in such a beautiful, safe, safe place to live. But one thing that I struggle a little bit with is we're so focused when it comes to kids on schooling and education. I've never known anywhere in the world where people talk about like, which school does your kids go to? And what are they learning? And it just feels like this really pressurized, you know, selecting a primary school is a bit like selecting an Ivy League university, it feels to me . Yeah , yeah. Sometimes it feels like this is to the detriment of our kids a bit. And I wondered , is this something that you cover? Like how to balance the sort of academic pressures with, you know, personal development? Like personally, if my job gets a degree, that's amazing, but I'd rather she also lived a fulfilled, meaningful life where she felt joy. Like that to me is as important as her getting a first class degree from Oxford, if not more important. So how do we kind of balance this with our kids when we're in this really difficult environment? Yeah . Let me ask you a question. As a parent, this is, this is the way you're thinking, right? You'd rather her be having a happy faith life, but what about your neighbor, right? Like what about your friend ? You see, when it comes to this, I feel like again, it's the family dynamic, what they want to achieve, what are their dreams for their kids, right? So in, in, in the <inaudible> , there's no way I can actually instill something like that in a child when the parents are pushing them the other way. So again, I'm gonna tell you in the discovery call, I get around with the parents, I try to understand the family dynamic, but I give you an example, one of the moms, she said that her child doesn't do any chores. And I'm like, okay. So that was obviously something that I've written so I can hide because some actually parents ask me to hide their children, create a schedule and do like the chores. And with that child, she's a young child, I told them all , okay, chores, do you want me to work on it? We do the fun schedule for them and then we don't reward with anything materialistic, but maybe, maybe with you or something like, and she's like, why, why do you want my daughter to do chores? And I'm like, because obviously this is who I am, right? Like I would want my kids to do their beds, you know, carry their laundry, like own their stuff. And she's like, no, I'm sorry. She has designated nanny who does that for her. And I'm not sharing that story to shame her in any way, but I'm just showing you that with every parent and with every family, they have a specific way of actually, so you can't really just barge in and say, no, your child has to do chores. So actually understanding what the parents want. Is it that parent that wants the child to be working out and having afterschool activities six times a week? Or is it like twice and then they can play outdoors? What is it that the family wants? What do they stand for? Are they living in a building? Are they living in a space where they can actually, the kids can have some fun time outdoors? So again, it's very sensitive area that I have to actually approach in a , in a way like to understand what are the needs of the parents . And with the older children, it's a lot more easier than the younger ones because for example, I had a 17 year old and um, beautiful, beautiful , uh, young lady and she just was lacking the motivation and again, breaking down the bits and pieces. So what's your goal? What do you wanna do ? She's like, I don't know. And I was like, okay, let's start with the studies. Let's start with your health and all of that. We broke it down asking her, but again, I broke it down in the sense I'm giving her like questions and she has to answer them. She has to come up with the answers and you know, dig deep at sea . And after a few weeks she's been going to the gym and waking up at seven in the morning. She chose to do psychology at the university. And I'm like, oh my God. But again, I'm telling you, it depends on the child. Her mom was pushing, her mom was like, she wakes up at 12:00 PM and we need to find a solution. And I feel sometimes, you know, us moms, when we keep on talking to our kids, sometimes whatever we're saying is so repetitive and they're so used to it, they're actually not listening anymore. Right. So I feel like sometimes when you give them someone else who can give them the safe space to share, they might get motivated a little bit more than, than from us parents. And it's the same for my old kids as well, I think. Yeah, no , 100% . I'm sure my daughter is massively tired, apparently dry all about the same stuff all the time. Sure . Um , but I think that's really interesting what you said. I read something recently saying like, you know, we, we pour so much into our kids, don't we? Were like, they , oh , we love them. We want them to do actually you as a parent are like 10% of like their world because the biggest deter, determinator determine whatever the word is, the biggest influence on them and, and what their life is gonna be like. Is friends. Friends , their friends , families, school, like the people that they spend time with, you know, they're not with us all the time and especially as they get older, which was kind of quite a wake up call . That's interesting. We don't have as much control. I know we shouldn't control them, but we don't, we like to think we have some semblance of influence and we don't really have as much at all as we think. Right. So interesting. And I'm sure this comes up a lot as well. I mean obviously everything is digital today screens. How do you address the impact of technology and , and social media for the slightly older kids? Although I hear younger kids getting social media these days, which really fascinat me . I mean, how do you navigate that? Too much of anything is not good, right? So like even hate people , too much of anything is not that good for you. So again, it depends on the age and the family and all of that. So if the, if the parents come to me with the , you know, with saying that, you know what, we have an issue. I joined us on the iPad for 12 hours on the weekend, what can we do? First of all, I believe in balance. So I believe that we can get balance . I do, I love playing PlayStation, so I would love to have some time with the kids bonding with them. But I do also understand that it's a source of entertainment, not a form addiction , right? So when you look at it as okay, an addiction, there is some kind of pain somewhere there that the child's trying to numb or the fact that he doesn't have friends or maybe he doesn't fit in and he is just so focused on the screen instead of actually socializing, right? So it becomes a form of addiction, but there is a pain somewhere there. And again, I'm not digging deeper, but I just want the , the parents to understand that. So the conversation I would have with the parents is, okay, did you try playing with them? Uh , did you try introducing other activities? So that's actually between me and the parent more than the child. And then after that , after I agree with what we can do, I sit down with the child, I said, okay, did you try playing chess before? Let's get aboard of chess and try, did you try that and you try contemplating ? I had one of the children actually who was like right first actually case study and until now he still comes and because we're family now, it's not, it's beyond, it's beyond coaching sessions now. And he's the one in the who found him very difficult to be away from the screen. But you have to understand also dynamic of the family. His sisters are abroad studying, he's all alone here. He has nothing to do, both parents are working. So I'm just gonna play on the screen . But then the mom was clever enough to keep saying , okay, let's try this, let's try that. And she kept on taking him to different, like, you know, it doesn't have to be a sports , it was actually a choir. It was music, it was chess. And a 10 year old boy, you know, who loves screens and he went from this, but he still plays because there is a pattern , right? So understanding as well the harms though I remember at the beginning I was telling him , you know , the screen before going to sleep actually affects your brain. So maybe that's why you're not sleeping well. That's why you actually wake up cranky and maybe not wanting to go to school. So for him to understand how the brain works, it's part of the sessions that we do as well. We, we tell them about the upstairs and downstairs brain. We tell them about the bodily sensations with the emotions. So it's not all about, you know, fluffiness, but we actually go into a little bit of science with them so they can understand where they respond to the world and life that where it's coming from, right? So yes, the boy actually he was able to, you know, change his life a hammer with the help of them all , the dad , me, and then exploring different stuff. So how do you take them away? So for example, with the social media as well, I feel like my kids don't have social media. 'cause I spoke to a , a therapist before actually getting a phone and I, you know, made sure that we had the right way to go about it and they have no interest because they didn't get a taste of it. But there are children who got a taste of it as well. So it's very hard to balance here because I feel like when you give the children something and then you take it away, this is actually more damaging than introducing. So there are ways around it, but I'm not against social media and I'm not against technology, but I'm pro balance , like balance it out, chores, food , uh, dinner together as a family shower, homework. And then, you know what, let's have 20 minutes where we can just smash each other on the screen . You know what I need <laugh> . Yeah, yeah , that sounds like a good balance. Uh , I have to quickly ask you, what's the upstairs downstairs brain . Oh , okay. So do you know , uh, Dr. Daniel Siegel ? I do know his name. Yeah. Yeah . So he, he created this model of upstairs and downstairs brain. And there is actually a lot of , uh, animated like , um, illustrated videos that I can actually show the kids and it's with cartoon characters and, and it tells them that the downstairs is the survival part, right? Yeah. And then the other one is the , you know, your critical thinking and handling what you're , what you're about to do next , next . So the upper part, the upstairs actually doesn't get developed until you're 25 years of age. So which one? So when something happens to the child and he starts screaming or freezing or running, then this is the survival brain taking over the upstairs brain. And then, you know, the upstairs brain is the ones that calm down. What can we do about it? So you give them stories using this. So again, I show them the illustrations and show them that sometimes, for example, when they respond in anger and they punch their friend or do something like that, that wasn't their upstairs brain, that they weren't thinking clearly, it was actually their downstairs brain. Again , it, for them to understand that it's not only whatever happens and there are things inside our control as well, and our body gets affected by words. And we do as well. Like for example, like , uh, Dr . Ma Motos , uh, water rice experiments. We do it a lot in the workshops as well, which is the power of words and how they can impact the water. And we're made out of 75% water. And, you know, unkind words would actually make your , your water and your body actually black and and from of pangas and stuff like that. So we teach the , when we're actually doing the coaching, we're not only teaching them like, you have to do this, you have to do that. It's more like, you know what, let's do an experiment here. You know what, let's see how that feels. Do an arm test, you know, say something that's negative, would your arm work quickly or would it actually stand firm? So if , if it goes down, that means you are relaxed and the word was beautiful and actually resonated with you. But if you start resisting and your arm doesn't actually go down, that means this is a really unnatural and negative word that your body was resisting, right? So again, it's all very interactive and playful , but it's about how to get the lesson or the life skill to the child in a way that they would grasp it and actually use it. Right? Gosh , no , I couldn't agree more. Like if someone had , now I understand the upstairs downstairs brain . If someone had to used that to explain it to me like 20 years ago, I wouldn't have had had to get to this much later in my journey. Yeah. I wouldn't have needed, I did that later on . Amazing. I think one of the things that parents really want is to be able to connect with their kids, right? And to have this a way of talking to them and be open with them. I mean, how can we try and cultivate this open environment so that, you know, our children will talk to us and will open up to us. Yeah, I mean it starts from after school, right? So I always say ask the right question as soon as they get in the car. Don't say, how is your day? Give them a little bit of space and ask them, what was your act of kindness today? Or guys, do you know what, this is what I've done today. That was my act of kindness. What about you guys? And tell me something that made you smile today. Tell me something that made you actually be upset to see or happen to you . So asking the right questions and actually sharing with her , right? 'cause sometimes we finish work or we just pick them up and I'm in a rush because you know what? I actually have a session and sometimes I own into that Patrick , where I'm like , Hey guys, all , all okay, all good? All right , you had a good day. Okay, great. You know what? Mommy's so busy and just to do this and that. And I start talking , I was like, oh my God, that was horrible . Can you read bra ? I was like, oh, but you know, my act of kindness today was this. What about you guys? Did you do any? And then you start over. So I feel like asking the right questions and sharing your own and include emotions, the more you include emotions and tell them how you got frustrated here or you, how you got, you know, so excited to receive that again, for them to hear all those, they, they're more likely 90% to actually sit down and actually see their stories using the same way and using emotions as well. And , um, when they shared their story, I would highly advise that you don't shame them for whatever emotions. Sometimes we don't relate to the stories that the kids come back with. It's like , oh, she looked at me in a way that I didn't like. She must not like me for me, not again. Right? But again, validate that emotion. Stay quiet, <laugh>, even if it doesn't make sense to you, validate it. I'm sorry that happened to you. So how does it feel like, do you feel in your body? And how did you respond? Okay. Is it a story that you made in your hand ? Would you like to ask her tomorrow when you see her? Things like that. So don't shame them into oh , command City . Just try to give them space so they can actually share more with you. You know , you want them when they're older and not to be scared to go not older, even now, not to be scared to tell you a story, but actually run you to tell your story . Mm , no , absolutely. That's such great tips. Thank you. And yeah, I totally, I , I understand the same thing about the questions after school. Like when I walk through the door after work , I've got so many bags, I've got things to unpack. And when people come up with a question by people I mean my family, I'm just like, I can't, like literally like we have a deal that they leave me alone for like five minutes until I've at least unpacked all the bags and taken my shoes off and my earrings or whatever. So yeah, we , we do this to our kids and interrogate them and expect them to suddenly be incredibly verbose about this amazing day that they've had . It's like , actually, just give me a break. I'm tired and I just need out of that mode, I'd extend that same thing to them as well. Useful tips . Thank you. Now I'm talking to you on what I think is, I think it's day 43 or day 44 of the war in Palestine, which is affecting us all incredibly deeply. I wanted to ask you number one, what is, what is an age appropriate time to talk to kids about this? Why daughter is 10? So we've had some quite deep and open conversations with the help of the book that I found, but what is the age , most age appropriate time to talk to 'em about this and, and how do we sort of approach such a difficult subject with them bearing in mind that they're children? I mean it's 10 you , whichever we think about it, right? Like I can tell you start from four or five, but I think it depends on how already the child is. How was he exposed to anything? Were you watching the news? Why you're , why he or she are sitting next to you ? So I mean, five, four or five is that one they can understand. So maybe tell them in a storytelling format, you know, this happened, all of that. Maybe read a book with them. Ask open-ended questions. You know, how did that make you feel? And do you have any questions for me? And then reassure them that they're safe. I think this is really important because that creates a lot of turbulence inside as well. And confusion like, you know , is the , and even where , where are we living now or how close are we? All of that. And it plays on their mind. And most probably maybe the child will not even ask you questions, but he will keep on actually replaying the stories in his head or her head. And that's when you want to reassure them that they're safe. Mm-Hmm . And the thing with younger children as well, there's a lot of beautiful events happening all around. Uh , UAE with the embroidery, the Palestinian embroidery, with the honor boy , with the storytelling, with the coloring, with the maps. So that if you want to actually engage them more and show them you know what Palestine is, you should look at those events as well. Yeah. I couldn't agree more. The lighthouse did this beautiful, beautiful vigil that I went with and I didn't take IA because it was a little bit later in the evening, had school the next day. And also, if I'm completely honest, I wasn't sure how it would go in terms of the grief, right. And my own grief, and I will be honest, I was thinking I maybe needed to hide that a little bit from her. And then as soon as I got there, I thought, gosh, I really wish I'd bought her now because it was grief filled . There was a lot of sadness and a huge amount of tears from everybody there. But it was also, you know, Dr. Saha who leads the lighthouse is so incredible at talking about showing your emotions and how we hold our grief and, and how we need to sit with it. And I wished that I had taken her. So I'm now thinking, taking her to more things like this. I mean, she's 10, so it's slightly, I appreciate that's maybe an age appropriate thing to take the child to . Yeah . And you mentioned about children not feeling safe. So if this anxiety kind of comes up, if they're stressed, right ? I mean , how do you reassure them? To be honest, Yasmeen , I don't even feel, I don't feel the world world is safe at all for us. I just telling Yeah , I was just gonna tell you because we are also, you know, at this stage we're going through so many emotions and we're not feeling that safety ourselves, right? So how can we pass it on? And that's why I'm telling you with the younger age storytelling events, fun , uh, maybe I as age, you can explain to her using a little bit of terminologies. I've shown , uh, my own kids a little bit of , uh, TV interviews because of all those guys coming from Egypt and having, you know, a little bit of a funny twist to it as well because then they could see the both sides when I was asked a question and I said, I don't know, I was able to go and say, okay, how about we research it together? 'cause mommy doesn't actually know about this point or that point and , um, it's hard. It's heavy, it's heartbreaking. So I feel like it depends on how much you're consuming and how much your child is actually able to receive from you. This is when you know, you read the room , read the room and see where they're at and ask them, do you have any questions for me? And then the older ones age 16, 17, 18, especially the ones who have social media, they are having exposed , right? And they're confused. These are the ones that you need to sit down and have like the hard conversations. And I have here a piece of paper that Dr . Sanja , her , uh, the nester that she , uh, wrote to her daughter about Palestine . So I'd like to read it out and just one of the paragraphs. So , um, Dr. Alii says in her post, I told her, Sono , don't stop feeling because the future of humanity is literally in the hands of people like you, people like you who feel pale when others hurt, who stays connected to humanity when hate seems to be trending. The only hope for humanity is in the hands of people like you who are devastated by what is happening in Palestine right now. And I thought that was beautiful. I mean , <laugh> Yeah, it's , she , she writes and speaks so beautifully about it and I, you know, I said to her, you've really helped support me so much. I'm sure she's supporting a lot of people through this right now. She's incredible. Yeah. And I , I think just coming back to what you were saying earlier about knowing our own triggers with our kids and when sometimes , sometimes we happens is I've noticed myself, I kind of seem to swing between wanting to indulge my daughter and, you know, she's alive, she's beautiful, she's free, she's safe. And then I've, I'm , I'm kind of in the anger phase with the Palestine situation at the moment. So then I noticed myself getting really short tempers, you know, when she said , she said to me the other night, mama , my pillow is just too flat and I just can't sleep. I just didn't sleep a week last night 'cause my pillow is too fat . Like , and I just wanted to scream. Yeah , yeah . And you know, God, these are kids who have nothing and, but you know, this is her life. It's not her fault that she wants a soft coffee pillow, that she's a kid. Yeah. So dealing with my own, you know, and sometimes when I've, if I've been consuming, I'm really, I'm really trying to have my social media consumption in blocks. But if I have been consuming some social media and I've seen something, I'm really aware , like my, my use is really short and I'm angry and snappy. Yeah . And short tempered. So trying to manage that around children is right. It is, it's very challenging. And I have one of my kids, the the eldest who keeps saying, I don't understand, why are you, because every night she comes in the room and you know, I'm crying and she is like, you're screaming a lot. And I'm like, yeah, you know, and, and I need to put a a line as well, like you said, you know, put it in blocks where I , um, don't actually hold my phone and watch. And her question was like, I don't understand. There are, there was a war somewhere else and here and there, I haven't seen you that. And I was like, yeah, no, I understand. But I don't think I've seen that much content from the other countries as much as this. So for her, like, you know, it's again those questions that rise up and, and they don't understand, okay, so why this not this? And I feel like we go through it together as a family as well . So yeah. Mommy is obviously very emotional 'cause of that . I'll , I'll be there for her, but I have a lot of questions, what's happening, you know, or just trying to navigate it as best we can. Right? Yeah . And there are so many amazing coaches out there, and obviously Dr . <inaudible> therapist as well. Uh , they have amazing advice on their pages. I mean, I'm lost for words most of the time when somebody tells me, oh, what can I do? I know the, the normal age range of what you should say, not say, but it's uh , how you navigate it . I think it depends on, you know, on you on the child, how receptive, how much you're consuming, which side you're on, what values, who are you standing with, right? Like there's a lot of that as well. So we have to assume render not only, you know, one story, there are different stories. And that's a really good point as well. I think it goes deeper than just the situation and the war, right ? It's a real opportunity to talk to kids about values and ethics and what you , what you believe in and right . And there's some really big issues coming up here are difficult issues, but really important issues to talk about with kids. So yeah, I could easily relate it to bullying, right? Yes, of course. Yeah, yeah. Easily related . And are you a bystander or are you gonna defend the person who's getting bullied? Are you speaking up, you know the truth? Are you being authentic with who you are? Are you standing up for the bully or no? You know what I mean ? So yeah, that's another topic that you can relate and everything that's happening , even the stuff that we're watching every single day, you know, first thing that comes to mind that's bullying <laugh> . But he does that, you know what I mean? So, such a good point. Such a good , and gosh, well thank you because I know it's really hard to talk about , uh, some really interesting, helpful things there. Really love to talk about books on this podcast. And I wanted to ask you about sort of books and I dunno if you're gonna mention your book, but I was gonna mention it if you didn't, didn't mention one <laugh> . But , um, tell us about some books that have really influenced you in your life or books that you give us a gift. I'd love to hear more about them . Alright , excellent. Uh , the gift obviously is my book, right? 'cause I feel like the world needs a lot of kindness right now, right? So I feel like it's a beautiful gift for someone who is young or someone who's older. Like, you know, I, I'm , I'm really proud of it. And , uh, so yeah, that's the gift that, sorry , your , your book is called Blossoming Kindness. Kindness. And it's full of lovely stories about people doing lovely things for other people and families . Yeah . Pick one another and kids helping one another. We loved reading it together and we still read it often . Oh , thank you . At bedtime. So yeah, thank you for , it's , it's a beautiful book and especially with everything that's going on in the world right now, I think it's everybody should have it in the all the as something that they can pull out and, and go to with their kids. So 100% that needs to be on the list. Thank you. And then , you know, when I was writing that book, I wanted to make it as diverse as possible and I didn't want, like parents and telling their kids you have to be kind or any of them . That's why I chose like a grandpa who gets, you know, poor kids visiting him . I'm not saying Blue Sisters who is cousins. And I made sure that they all look different ethnic backgrounds that are different as well because that's tolerance and that's being kind to one another. And we're all human beings at the end of the day. Yeah, I can have big curly hair and you know, my cousin can have long hair and you know, and we could still be cousins, right? That's the main message of it all, the toner and center and accepting people as they are. So it was , uh, I loved writing it and I love giving it as a gift, that's for sure. <laugh> , because last book, number one, tell us about another book. What do you really want for your children, Dr. We Dyer . Are you okay ? That's why I want , and you know , I haven't read that I have it <inaudible> and you know , it's so funny because literally just last night I sat on the safe with my husband and I said, 'cause I'm obviously, I love Wayne Dyer and I still listen to his podcast, which is actually his old radio show. And they , it's all still there. I said, I wish Wayne, I really wish Wayne Dyer was still alive, because I would love to know what he had to say. He would say about the current situation, I want to call him, I want to call the radio, I know to call the hotline, but I've never heard of this children's book or not children's Focus On , on Children. So that was actually the first book that I , uh, and read when I gave birth. 'cause I wanted to, I wanted to understand the <inaudible> . I remember some stuff resonated with me until now. And one of them was like, for example, let your child be bored. They sit in their , on their own, let them people , or that's when they actually become creative responsible, depend . And I was like, oh my God, actually I , you know, you always wanna team the kid and said , oh my God, where are you? And let's put you here. Okay, you finished the activity, let's put you in the next one. And I'm like, wow. So that, yeah, that resonated with me. And then it's a beautiful book passed . Aren't you amazing? Okay. I'm well I'm gonna have to go and get that as well. 'cause I'm, yeah , <laugh> , I wasn't even aware of it. Brilliant. Anything else? Yeah, there was one which was called , uh, women , uh, rose, rooted by , uh, Sharon Blackie. It's a very interesting book and it's, her relationship was talking about her relationship with the lens and how us and she's, she's using a lot of , um, mythologies , but it's, it's beautiful. There's something about the way she wrote it and her language and how we should actually, you know, take our power back as women and the divine energy within us. And it's, it's a beautiful book. Sounds fantastic. It sounds a bit like , um, women who run with Wolves in terms of this kind of like , connecting . Yeah , yeah . Which I have to confess, I haven't read. It's somewhere nightstand actually turned up in our library a while ago. I'm dying. Didn't read it . I was saving it for a trip. Yeah, it's , it's a difficult start at the beginning, you're like, but then the book actually gets a lot more interesting and you can leave it. So it's , uh, it's a good one as well. Brilliant. I'll, I'll look it up and I'll share it with our , with our listeners. We're starting to wrap up. Yasmine , what would you say is your greatest achievement? That's a tough one. I feel like <laugh> , I feel like I've evolved and changed so many times and I think with every stage that I was actually very proud of what I've done. And the first thing that came to mind when you asked that question is my children. But I think it's the relationship that I have with them and how I've actually been inspired and was able to inspire them. So I think that's it . Just the bottom between us, you know, and who I am as a person that kept on changing and embracing that difficult change sometimes as well, to just be able to be with them in the Aren their time . Gosh , that was such a beautiful point to end on. Thank you so much for such a beautiful conversation. I really enjoyed it. Thank you so much for having me. Me too. Thank you so much, Kelly . That was beautiful. Thanks so much for listening to the Good Intentions podcast. You can find links to issues and to books that we discussed in the show notes, and you can look for the podcast on Instagram. It's good intentions, UAE . Please do make sure you subscribe to the podcast, and if you enjoyed this conversation, I'd so appreciate a review on whatever platform you're using. It helps more people find out about the podcast. See you next time.